Who am I

I was talking with a friend of mine who is English with a German mother. Like me she was brought up in England but had the continental influence in her home such as different foods, traditions, language etc. She was bilingual (although hasn't used the German language for a long time now). She said that when she went to Germany she did not connect at all with her German heritage. She said she did not feel German at all when she was there. Perhaps because she had no immediate family there.

However, we both shared the same experience of not really feeling English either. Personally I feel more English when I go to Hungary and more Hungarian when I am in England. I don't fit very neatly into either camp. I am, I believe neither one nor the other.

When I am around my Hungarian relatives I visually connect with them because some of us look similar but we can't communicate with each other and they are relative strangers. I guess this happens anyway with full English families which grow apart and then all meet up again at a wedding or something. But at least they can speak and catch up with each other.

What is this feeling of being neither one nationality or another, is it European? is it bicultural? or is it an outsider trying to connect? Like a square peg in a round hole, it will never fit no matter how hard you try... But also that is the beauty of it!